On May 5, 2026, I got a message on Ancestry.com from a lawyer/private investigator that is working on solving a cold case in Washington. I initially thought it was some kind of scam so I looked up this person on the different state bar websites she claimed to be licensed in and verified that sheContinue reading “Crossroads (Not a Movie Review)”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Practical Magic 2
SPOILER ALERT! What the fuck is this movie?! Definitely a film for the ladies, written by ladies, directed by a lady and therefore ruined by ladies. I have never opened my cupboard, taken five completely different ingredients, poured them into a pot, added water, and called it soup. It’s not soup, it’s shit. That potContinue reading “Practical Magic 2”
Apocalypto
I just saw this incredible film for the first time. I always appreciate films about indigenous Latinos, especially when they are accurate depictions. Yes, we sacrificed people for the Sun God. If we didn’t, the Sun would not rise. Yes, we had a warrior culture. The only part I had issue with is disease thatContinue reading “Apocalypto”
The Odyssey
There are 25 IMAX theaters in the United States. My hometown Portland, Oregon is fortunate enough to have one and it looks like everyone showed up. So to everyone that isn’t fortunate enough to live in a city with IMAX I say “neener neener neener, we have IMAX and you don’t. You suck.” Casting isContinue reading “The Odyssey”
Leave Your Butt Alone
If you could erase one trend from history, what would it be? To the ladies: You have your parents, their parents, and everyone that came before you to thank for your butt. Do not try to make it bigger. Exercise for shaping it is fine, but do not make it bigger. We are all differentContinue reading “Leave Your Butt Alone”
Disclosure Day (2026)
I have basketball on the brain so I will review Spielberg’s film like this: He had the ball, no one around, and all he had to do was make a layup. He missed.
The Lorax
What’s a piece of media (book, movie, song) that changed how you see the world? After I read this book I knew two things: I was an environmentalist and I was not a capitalist.
Backrooms (2026)
This is a very disturbing film. Your anxiety level is high the entire time, long before you see the backrooms. The set design looks like it was designed by someone that masturbates to MC Escher art. Nothing in this film will make you laugh. I didn’t quite understand the ending so I need to lookContinue reading “Backrooms (2026)”
Obsession (2026)
Another Original Horror! Blumhouse Productions has done it again. On the way to the movies, I was listening to Celine Dion and other artists. And they sounded wonderful. Listening to those songs after this movie made all the lyrics of those songs almost…sinnister. The trailer gives it away so I am not spoiling anything aboutContinue reading “Obsession (2026)”
Nosferatu (2024)
Sometimes the only thing that can save the world from evil is good coochie.
